I can’t sleep. It’s 5:39 AM and I can’t sleep. The day before I slept the entire day. I took █████ and it kept me asleep for an entire day.

I tell myself: You are not addicted.

But I can’t sleep without it. I can’t function without it. It hasn’t changed me as a person. I am so hurt today. When I woke up in the evening, I couldn’t feel anything. You know the feeling when you wake up and you don’t remember anything for a split second? This is how it felt. Walking felt like I was going to fall down at any moment. Looking around nothing looked familiar. I felt nothing. I couldn’t cry, and I knew I was hurt. I knew I’d be spiraling if I didn’t take ████ ██████████ ████. I only have 2 left. I only have 2 left and I’m waiting for ████ ███ ██ ████ ██. They are the last █████ and I think I’m going to die. I am going to die without them and I feel awful.

I can’t sleep anymore. I listen to the same music and I feel angry. I play the same games and I feel angry. I THOUGHT I was getting better. All it took was one wrong day. My mom looks at me worried and I have to say I am alright because I am ashamed of what I have become. Things were never supposed to be like this. I don’t know what I want to do anymore, I am so unhappy with myself.. I try my hardest to reverse it by giving all of my ████ ██ ██ █████████ but I feel like one day I will fuck it all up and I will be left with nothing.

I don’t want to study. I don’t want to work. I am scared of going outside. I don’t know what I’m useful for.

I can’t sleep anymore and it’s making me think things I have never thought before.