I’m kind of growing tired of everything, you know?

Even interacting with the person I love the most is starting to take a toll on my mental health. I wish I could be alone even though I really am scared of being alone. Everything is draining me; I have a hard time getting out of bed every morning. I stay up every night hoping I get the chance to enjoy the silence, and I do, but it only makes my thoughts louder. I can’t even talk about what I’m thinking to anyone. When I do decide to open up, I feel so invisible. Everything I say gets disregarded and it only makes me feel worse.

It’s just too draining. I feel bad for every person I open up to. It’s no one’s job to listen, but I can’t sit here and suffer forever. It hurts a lot.

I look at my mom and I cry. I look at my brother and cry. I look at my father and cry. Why am I nothing like them? Why do I have to be and feel this way?

I tell my myself there are better days to come. 

I’ve been saying that for 487 days so far. I am starting to think these days will never come.

███ █████ █████ ███ █████ ████ ████ ████████ ██ ███████ ██ ███ ██ ███ ██ █████ ████ █████ ███████████ █ █████ ████ ███ ██ ██████ ███ ███ ██████ ████ █ ███████ ███████ ███████ ███ █ ████ ████████ ████ █ ██ ███ ██ █████ To be honest? I don’t feel bad. ████████ ████ ████ ███ ████ ██ ██████ ████████ ███████ ███ ███████ ███████ ███ ██ █████ █ ███ █████ ██ ███ ████ ███ ███ ████ ███ ████ ███. I will choose myself over everyone else just this once.